a place for friends

★彡 welcome to my profile ★彡 looking for my player 2 ★彡 swipe right on my heart ★彡 applications open ★彡 must love oreos ★彡 no terfs on my page ★彡 be gay, do kind things ★彡

Snack (Zach)

"Sweetie Pie & Cutie Pie"

Online Now!

Mood: 🏳️‍🌈 Gay

Denver, COAge 32

Status	Single (accepting applications)
Here for	Dating, Cuddles, Oreo Reviews
Zodiac	Water Sign
Bakes	Rosemary Brown Butter Rice Crispy Treats
Drink	Right now, cinnamon latte from Convivio

Contacting Snack

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Profile Views: 004,208

About Me

32-year-old gay man seeking a full-time position. Open to relocation into your heart and hole.

Who I'd Like to Meet

Someone who laughs at my jokes (even the bad ones), steals my hoodies (I'll steal yours back), and isn't afraid to be a complete dork in public. Bonus points if you can keep up on a trail and share your Oreos. Must love pets — non-negotiable.

Interests

General	Hiking, Pets, Oreos, Being the big spoon, Therapy, Gay stuff
Music	Paramore, Caamp, K-Pop Demon Hunters Soundtrack, Young the Giant, Megan Thee Stallion, Olivia Dean, ROSALÍA, Infinity Song, and whatever you put on
Movies	Anything where the pet lives, romcoms, thrillers, nature docs, and horror (I will hold you)
Television	Severance, Great British Bake Off, Yellowjackets, Heated Rivalry (duh), and Bob's Burgers
Heroes	Lesbians with rescue cats, my therapist, dogs named "Frank", whoever invented tater tots, my gym coaches, Caleb Hearon, and those freaks who invent new Taco Bell items
Travel	Half adventure (museums, exploring the city, hiking) and half relaxing (beach, pool, doing absolutely nothing)

Experience

Chief Sweetie Pie

Self-Employed (Lifetime)

Consistently exceeded expectations in thoughtfulness, snack-sharing, and unsolicited forehead kisses. Maintained a 100% approval rating among all pets (cats and dogs), friends, parents, nieces, and nephews.

Senior Cutie Pie

The Mirror Every Morning

Delivered daily cuteness with zero downtime. Recognized by peers for laugh deployment and smile ROI. Successfully charmed baristas into free extra shots on 2 separate occasions. Created a new process to build and maintain secure attachment.

Cutie Pie

Various Locations (Denver, PNW, and SLC)

Expanded emotional capacity by living in multiple cities and collecting strangers who became family.

Jr. Cutie Pie

The Therapist's Couch

Created more capacity to grow and love through consistent therapy. Decommissioned legacy defense mechanisms. Shipped vulnerability 2.0 with improved uptime and fewer walls.

Intern, Being Somebody's Person

Early Career

Learned the fundamentals: how to apologize like you mean it, when to shut up and listen, and that love is a verb not a vibe. Graduated with bruises and better boundaries.

Skills

Each heart = ~5 years of experience (32 years and counting)

Big spoon, little spoon, emergency spoon

Active listening with sustained eye contact

Professional-grade playlist curation

Remembering your coffee order after hearing it once

Looking good in your hoodie

Incredibly muscular & hairy ass that feels so good to be inside

Singing Celine Dion out of key on demand

Snack's Top 8

TTom

PParis Hilton

BBritney Spears

LLindsay Lohan

NNicole Richie

JJenna Marbles

LLady Gaga

HHayley Williams

Education & Certifications

B.A. in Being Adorable — University of Life, graduated with honors.
Minor in Sending Perfect Goodnight Texts and Being Vers

Certified Good Hugger (renewed annually). Licensed to make you laugh at inappropriate times.

Certified Oral Specialist: Professional Society of Intimate Arts (passed with distinction). Advanced Rimming Techniques: scored "outstanding" on practical exam; 100% client vocalization/moaning rate.

Comments (4)

CuddleBear20242 hours ago

omg snack ur profile is SO cute!! we should totally hang out sometime

HikingHottie5 hours ago

love the resume format lol. also ur music taste? *chef's kiss*

OreoEnthusiast1 day ago

double stuf or regular? this is a dealbreaker question.

DenverDaddy2 days ago

just here to say the hoodie thing is real. i want it back btw.

References

"He's so hot." — Paris Hilton when asked to be my reference